Warriors: The Power of 3 14
by Red Princess
Summary: Before the equation is solved, one will defeat another in a battle of wits, while StarClan watches and condemns the loser into the forest of shadowy shadowness. Warrior parody. TWOSHOT
1. Part One

A Note To Raven--Sorry this took so long!! I was supposed to have typed it up _before_ school ended, right? xD 

A/N: This is sort of a collaboration with Raven-loves-Sanji. The idea came to us one day at school after we had the most random conversation. Our notes and ideas were recorded on napkins. This is what came of it. 

* * *

"Bob…Bob….BOB!!" a whisper cut sharply through the night, awakening SmartClan's medicine cat from his nice dream (where he was actually the smartest cat in his Clan). 

"…Eh? What is it?" the small white cat meowed. He looked in the direction the voice had called him from, but saw no one. "Who are you? _Where _are you?" Bob nervously meowed.

An invisible cat said, "I am a spirit, Bob, sent by my Clan to bring an important message to you."

Bob blinked, as the realization that his warrior ancestors must need to tell him something important dawned on him. "Eh? Really? Well, go ahead. I'm listenin'." He got comfortable in his mossy nest and waited for the 'spirit cat' to talk.

The cat meowed urgently, "Do not get comfortable, Bob."

With a faint, "Eh? Why?," he awkwardly got to his feet and tried to look attentive.

The spirit cat continued, "I need you to alert your Clan leader about the trouble my Clan foresees. Here is their message: _Before the equation is solved, one will defeat another in a battle of wits, while StarClan watches and condemns the loser into the forest of shadowy shadowness."_

With that, the spirit cat's presence faded away, and Bob was left in his den, to ponder what his ancestors had revealed to him.

* * *

At dawn, Bob crept outside into the SmartClan camp's clearing, and made his way to his leader's den. When Bob went in, the fluffy gray cat was still asleep, his fur rising and falling steadily. 

Bob stood before his leader wondering what to do. He didn't exactly want to disturb his leader's precious sleep, but this message from their ancestors couldn't wait till later on in the morning to be told… 'What to do…what to do…' Bob thought, pacing around and nervously muttering.

Finally, Bob seemed to make up his mind. Striding up to his leader, who was still sleeping soundly, he took a deep breath and cleared his throat as loudly as he could (which isn't too loud). Nothing happened.

Bob tried again. Still nothing. Once again. NOTHING.

'Damn him! That heavy sleeper!' he thought ungraciously about his leader. 'I guess I'll have to go to Plan B!'

Bob stepped closer to his leader, took another deep breath, and……..-poke- -poke- -poke- Bob lightly jabbed his paw into his leader's soft gray fur. –poke- poke- Lightly, at first. Then, harder. –poke- -poke- NOTHING.

'Aaaarrrrgh!!!! That lazy lump of fur!! Time for—(drumroll please)—the Last Resort!!' Bob thought, thinking 'the Last Resort' was a cool-sounding name for his "plan".

Bob stepped back a little, took a deeper breath, and… "SMARTSTAR!!!! SMARTSTAR!!! WAKE UP!!!!!!" he shrieked as loud as he could, running around in frenzied little circles in Smartstar's den.

NOTHING.

Bob had had enough. Running back to the den entrance, he took his deepest breath yet, sprinted to SmartStar, and took a running leap towards him. Bob landed on SmartStar's soft fur with unsheathed claws; his leader's eyes flew open, and he awoke with a start, spitting and hissing.

"GREAT STARCLAN!!!! WHAT IN THE NON-EXISTANT HILLBILLY CLAN'S NAME IS WRONG??!!!!" SmartStar yelled, his fur puffed up so that he looked twice his normal size. He glared at Bob through narrowed eyes and looked down at his gray fur, clearing his throat pointedly.

Bob realized he had sunk his claws into his leader's fur and instantly let go, backing away embarrassed. He looked at his paws, flushed and suddenly nervous. "Er….'m sorry 'bout that, SmartStar." Bob bowed his head respectfully. "Our ancestors visited me last night. They brought me this message…"

He relayed the prophecy to his leader as the sun outside rose higher and higher in the sky. It was well into the early afternoon when SmartStar strode out of his den and threw back his head on the Highledge, yowling, "Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey join me here, under the Highledge, for a Clan meeting."

Bob timidly made his way out of SmartStar's den and down to the group of watching cats.

"…Bob has told me of a message from our warrior ancestors." SmartStar told his clan members the troubling news. "…And the question is—just who are the two cats mentioned in this prophecy?"

Even before SmartStar had a chance to finish his sentence, he noticed cats' heads turning toward two certain cats near the back of the crowd. SmartStar watched in understanding. The two cats being looked at were, indeed, the smartest in the Clan (next to SmartStar, of course), certain to engage in a "battle of wits."

'Let's see who will win, shall we?' he thought. Out loud, he called, "Tigerantidisestablishmentarianism and Orangeflaucynaucyfhiliphication, you two have been chosen by StarClan and SmartClan to "engage in a battle of wits". You two know what will happen to the loser."

SmartStar looked around for Bob, but he wasn't in sight. Shaking his head, SmartStar continued, "BEGIN".

--insert really really hard math problems and complicated formulas--

The cats of SmartClan listened (and watched) in awe as equations literally spilled out of Tigerantidisestablishmentarianism's and Orangeflaucynaucyfhiliphication's mouths. Some were cheering them on. Others were silent, too amazed to even say anything. Some looked jealous of the two cat's obvious talent. SmartStar merely sat on the Highledge, calmly watching (and enjoying) the two cats fiercely battle it out.

Bob was still nowhere to be seen. 'Probably just went out for some fresh air.' SmartStar distantly thought.

-An hour later-

Most cats had drawn away, their brains threatening to burst. They were now resting in their dens, or sharing tongues. Bob was still missing; SmartStar was still staring at the two cats that were still at it.

Suddenly, their steady flow of equations and formulas was interrupted by a shriek of pain. SmartStar, who was just about to lick his backside, quickly snapped his head up, nearly breaking it in the process.

The battle of wits had stopped—a frustrated Orangeflaucynaucyfhiliphication struck Tigerantidisestablishmentarianism with a surprisingly strong blow for such a small cat. She had ripped open Tigerantidisestablishmentarianism's belly with one slash.

Shocked at the twist of events, SmartStar, being slow to react as usual, had no time to anticipate Orangeflaucynaucyfhiliphication's quick, impulsive leap onto the Highledge. Before he knew it, Orangeflaucynaucyfhiliphication was snarling, "Curse that "battle of wits"!! You probably just made up that whole StarClan prophecy thing and made me and Tigerantidisestablishmentarianism fight because you KNEW I would lose!! Well, here's some news for you: I'm. Not. Going. To. The. Forest. Of. Shadowy. Whatevers. I've had enough of you! I will be the new leader of SmartClan, for I am a better fighter than you!!"

With that, Orangeflaucynaucyfhiliphication pierced SmartStar's belly with one slash, and he, too, dropped dead.

* * *

A/N: Yep, that's Part One of this Twoshot! Hope you all like it so far. 

So, what's gonna happen to Orangeflaucynaucyfhiliphication? And where is Bob? You'll find out in Part Two, which will be posted soon!! 


	2. Part Two

**A/N: Okay, so here it is—Part Two! More randomness!!**

* * *

--Somewhere else in the forest--

Bob was stunned. He had witnessed Orangeflaucynaucyfhiliphication's shocking display of arrogance, jealousy, and hate from bushes on the edge of the camp. Right after seeing his leader murdered, he fled and was now lost in his own clan's territory.

'How could this have happened?! StarClan didn't foresee this!!…Stinkin' furballs. Maybe they just wanted to hide it from me!' Bob threw back his head. "StarClan, answer meeeeeeeeee!!!! What'll happen to SmartClan noowwwww??? Why did ya not warn me two cats would die?!"

Minutes passed. No answer. Nothing.

"STARCLAN??? ARE YOU TH----EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Bob screamed as a tiny 'poof' sounded near him. A tiny cat popped out of thin air.

It looked at Bob quizzically and said in a high pitched, strangely accented voice, "Hooowdy!!! I'm Ashton Kutcherpaw, and YOU just got punk'd!! Heeheee!!!" It squealed and poked Bob in the eye.

"Owwwwwww!!! You little----!!!" Bob yelled. But before he could do whatever he was going to do to Ashton Kutcherpaw, it disappeared with a loud 'poof'.

Right after, a silvery warrior descended from the sky. It looked disdainfully at Bob, who was hopping around in pain, his paw covering his left eye, and loudly meowed, "**I **am a messenger from StarClan. You, Bob, are not worthy of being _Smart_Clan's medicine cat, so just get your unworthy crowfood-eating self out of their territory. You're a fool for listening to that HillbillyClan, which DOES exist, if you haven't realized. Because of you, two of SmartClan's smartest cats are dead! We never want to see, or smell, or hear, you again! Now….GO!" The warrior turned around to head back into the sky. She paused, and added, "And take your girlfriend with you."

Bob could only stand there, his jaw open wide, gaping at the StarClan warrior. When she disappeared, his girlfriend appeared. He shook his head in shock and blinked. "…Eh?" was all he could manage to say.

"Bob! Bob! Hellloooo!!!!!" Mary Sue, Bob's dumber than dumb girlfriend, waved her paw in front of his eyes. "BOB!!! Are ya listenin' to me??"

Bob snapped out of it and focused on Mary Sue. "Eh?…Er, yea, I hear ya."

"Welll Bob, we should, like, GO, like, NOW!! I, ah, think our warrior ancestors--ah, HillbillyClan, right? Well, they, like, just told me that, like, we need to, like, get outta here 'cuz we were, like, banished!! Oh, noooooo!!!!!!!!" she squealed. "What are we gonna do??!!!!!"

"Er, Mary Sue?? Ya listenin'? Our warrior ancestors are StarClan, first o' all. And secondly," he cleared his throat, "Don't worry 'cause I have a plan!!"

-hours later-

Bob and Mary Sue finally reached the edge of the four Clan's territory, with much of "Oh, I'm soooo tired!!"s and "Oww, I, like, broke a claw!! Eeeeee!!"s. What lay ahead of them was the Twoleg place.

"Ooooh Bob, it's soo bigg!" squealed Mary Sue. "Let's go!!"

Without looking back, she excitedly ran ahead….and crashed into an enormous white cat who was walking around by the Twoleg's den. The white cat looked down at Mary Sue, who was clutching her head in pain. "Oooooh, that hurt…" she whined.

She looked up at the white cat, who was squinting down at her. "Eeeeeee!! You're, like, soooo big!!" she meowed enthusiastically, her pain forgotten. She started running in circles around the stranger. "And your fur is, like, so long and groomed so well!! And you look so well fed! And…And…you're soooooo pretty!!! Eeeeeeee!" Mary Sue practically fainted from admiration for the big white cat, which had been waiting patiently for her to finish.

He cleared his throat. "And, you might be….?"

Mary Sue's eyes shot open. "Ooooooh!!! I, like, totally forgot my manners!! I'm Mary Sue," she did a little spin and smiled at the cat, "and that cat over there," she flicked her tail, "is my boyfriend, Bob." She giggled happily.

The white cat grinned in amusement. 'Young love…' he thought. 'They seem to be alone….Oh, I have a plan!!' he smiled inwardly.

"Ah, Mary Sue, is it?" he meowed out loud. "My name is Mr. Fwufflekins. And if you and your boyfriend need a place to stay, I will gladly take you back to my den."

At that moment, Bob finally chose to walk up. "Er, thanks, Mr.--- ah….Erm…yeah, we'll go with ya, seeing that we have no other place to go."

Both Mary Sue and Mr. Fwufflekins squealed in delight. (Yes, Mr. Fwufflekins _squealed.) _"Oh yeah!" he shouted. "We're gonna have tons of fun together!!"

The three white cats headed off to Mr. Fwufflekins "den". When they got there, Bob looked at it suspiciously. "This is a mighty big den you have here, Mr.--- er…oh, right! Mr. Fwufflekins. And you live by yerself?"

Mary Sue, on the other hand, looked like she was going to faint from delight. "EEEEEEEE!!! It's HUGE!!! I love it, Bob!! C'mon, c'mon, let's go in!"

Mr. Fwufflekins chuckled. "Right. C'mon in!" He padded into the den and waved his tail invitingly. Mary Sue bounded in after him, while Bob (being the smart one, for once) followed more cautiously.

When he got inside, Bob noticed how hard and cold the grass had become; he looked down and realized he wasn't standing on _grass_ anymore. The floor seemed to be covered in shiny white blocks of wood. Looking up, he saw that Mary Sue was spinning happily around on the slippery surface, while Mr. Fwufflekins watched amusedly. He also saw bright, unnatural lights shining above him, and heard loud pawsteps and voices from deeper within Mr. Fwufflekins' "den".

"Mr. Fwufflekins, just what is this place?" Bob suspiciously asked.

"Why Bob, it's my den! And my owners should be comin' soon. I can heard 'em already…They're gonna love you two!" Mr. Fwufflekins meowed.

"Oh, Bob! Like, how rude! Don't act like that to super-nice, dear Mr. Fwufflekins after he was nice enough to offer us a place to stay!" Mary Sue squealed, giving Bob a "look".

Bob rolled his eyes. It seemed his girlfriend was rather taken with their "super-nice, dear" "rescuer". Just as he was about to fling a retort back to her, the pawsteps her heard before became even louder, and low-pitched, excited voices enveloped them.

Bob looked over at Mary Sue, who had frozen, her eyes wide open in awe, oddly, not fear. "Oooh, Bob! Lookie! Look at these things! Aren't they amazing?!" she asked, gesturing to the tall figures standing over her.

"Er…Mary Sue? Those are Twolegs! You know, the monsters that have been poisoning RiverClan's fish, and destroying our forest?!" Bob warned.

"Eh? Really?! But they look so nice!!!!" She cried in pleasure as one of them picked her up. "Eeeee! Bob! Lookatmelookatme!!!!! Hahaha they must like me!!"

Bob wrinkled his nose in displeasure as the Twoleg petted Mary Sue. One of the Twoleg kits ran over to Mr. Fwufflekins, picked him up, and span him around. Another Twoleg advanced towards Bob, who flattened his ears in anger. "Mr. Fwufflekins! You stinkin' furball! You led us into a trap!" he spat at the other cat, who was licking the Twoleg kit.

"Ohohoho! Bob, Bob, Bob, these are my owners! They're really nice people, I'm sure you'll come to love them! You see, I knew they weren't satisfied with just having me as a pet, so I brought you guys for company! From now on, you'll be known as Frwufflestiltskin!"

"What the---?! Frwufflestiltskin?! What kinda name is that?" Bob hissed, as the Twoleg picked him up.

"It's a lovely one. Now, Mary Sue— Mary Sue?"

Mary Sue stopped her incessant licking of the paw of the Twoleg who had grabbed her. "Ya, what?"

"Your new name will be…Ms. Ditzykins!" Mr. Fwufflekins decided, hearing with pleasure the happy squeal from 'Ms. Ditzykins'. "Now, let me introduce you to my owners'…..and show you where you will sleep….and what you will eat…..and what you will do during the day…..and--" Mr. Fwufflekins rambled.

Bob wasn't listeing. He tried to get away from the Twoleg who was holding him tight and trying to pet him.

It was no use.

The Twoleg kit closed the entrance of Mr. Fwufflekins' den, and Bob screamed, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!" as he saw the last ray of sunlight from his world disappear.

--back in SmartClan--

Cats gathered around SmartStar's body. They held the vigil for him for 3.14 days, because that was the answer to the last equation that was said during the "battle of wits" before SmartStar died.

--somewhere else….--

"Where in StarClan's name am I?!" a bewildered Orangeflaucynaucyfhiliphication shouted, looking up at the dark shadowy trees surrounding her.

Just then, with a loud 'poof' Ashton Kutcherpaw (once again) showed up and squeaked, "You just got punk'd! Heehee! Ooh, and don't say "StarClan" here! You cannot say that in the Forest of Shadowy Shadowness! Ooooooo" he whispered, as he faded away in a cloud of pink smoke.

"Ooooh, damn that SmartStar! Curse StarClan! How dare they send _me_ into this Forest of Shadowy—….Forest of Shallowy---….Forest of---….Ahhhhh! Dammit! Never mind!"

Orangeflaucynaucyfhiliphication sank down, knowing that her fate was sealed. Muttering more equations to herself, she rolled around on the Forest's floor, driving herself mad.

It was there, in the Forest of Shadowy Shadowness, that she perished, while StarClan watched over her.

Ms. Ditzykins and Frwufflestiltskin lived with Mr. Fwufflekins for the rest of their short happy lives.

And SmartClan? It became known as IdiotClan, because SmartStar, the smartest leader ever, had been cruelly murdered. IdiotStar became the new leader, and led his clan mates to their deaths by initiating the dumbest set of rules ever made, such as, "Never, EVER scratch the itch," and "When an enemy Clan attacks, don't fight back, but talk things over nice and calmly. Don't panic or kill others, even when then enemy is killing your Clanmates. Pray to StarClan, and peace will come."

* * *

A/N: And there it is! The fanfic that was written with Raven-loves-Sanji on napkins. xD

Note: The phrase "scratch the itch" is from Ravenpelt's hilarious 'Warriors Gone Wild' fanfic.

Hope you all enjoyed The Power of 3.14, and please review!


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